I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
