Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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