New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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