If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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