when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
