I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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