her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
