The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
