and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
my poor anus
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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