All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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