she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
