Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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