my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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