Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
