Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
