i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
