My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
