i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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