are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
