I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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