I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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