btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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