Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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