Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

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(206): View more from Washington

Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.

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(845): View more from New York

For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail

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(614): View more from Ohio

she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday

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(707): View more from California

It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement

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(727): View more from Florida

I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"

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