$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
