At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
