I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
