please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
