Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
