I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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