mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
