my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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