please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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