I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
