She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
