i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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