Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
