You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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