The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
