Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
