Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
