drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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