The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
