I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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