i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
