Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
