When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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