I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
