I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
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