Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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