Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
