I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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