I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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