I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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