Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
