I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
