I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
